Real Ultimate Power

Facts:

1. Ninjas are mammals.

2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.

3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people

http://www.realultimatepower.net/

If you are lucky enuff to be on the esteemed Mr Hamburger's mailing list, then you get his newsletter, "The definition of getting pumped"

Here is an extract from the September 19, 2004 issue:

Dear all you ladies out there who like guys,

Hey.

Dear everybody else,

Thanks to everyone who bought REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book. It was cool of you to do that. RUP was pretty close to never existing. The publisher had a conference about buying REAL Ultimate Power and everybody, except the guy with four black belts, didn't want to do it. The old boss of all the editors who never ever comes to meetings anymore because of golf came in the room and was like "Let me see it, now." So one sweaty butt editor passed the manuscript and the super old boss picked it up real slow. His hands were smothered in wrinkles, but they were still powerful. He opened up to the page of a ninja doing the kicks with a huge ass boner. Then he looked up into the air and one editor freaked out and puked because he was just barely hanging on. Nobody said a word and they looked at the old guy's mouth and slowly he screamed, "Yo buttholes, let's get this started!" Then one executive started running but his pants fell down and he rolled into the printing press and now almost every ninja book has a little bone chunk in it. Then, out of nowhere, assistants brought pizza and pop into the boardroom and everybody got the rest of the day off and could basically do whatever they wanted.

*So now REAL Ultimate Power is spreading, and a bunch of people that read it got so pumped up they went frigg'n nuts. No joke. This one farmer's sister sent him the book because he didn't have any neighbors near the farm. The guy read it, and needless to say he went nuts and ripped up about half a crop of corn and sued himself and won. Now he lives in Miami.

*And another lady was looking at it in the book store and flipped and wiped her butt on some guy's back and when she went home she never told her family about the incident because who would?

*And this one kid who read it ran to the kitchen and drank a whole two liter of pop and knocked down his neighbor's door and put all their video games in a bag and basically he's still on the loose, but he's free and nobody will ever be able to tell him what to do.

Now if you're ready to get so pumped that you'll turn into some other type of being, or something, or just, I don't know, just get pumped, then check out REAL Ultimate Power. Or if you're curious, scientifically speaking, about ninjas and want learn more about them, that's another reason. Or if you don't know where you're going in life or you're confused about your current job choice, maybe you're supposed to be a ninja. It's basically ten bucks and you can get it at the link below. And if you want free shipping from amazon, get three friends together and buy three together or just sell the other two books for like 12 bucks in your neighborhood. That's four bucks profit-basically lunch.

Get your copy *

Also, the website has new movies, hate mail, and pictures. So if you want a break from your homework or a chance to win the ninja scholarship, check it out: www.realultimatepower.net. The black ninja shirts are back, too. You don't have to go to school looking like a dork this year.

O.K. peace out,

Robert Hamburger
realultimatepower@hotmail.com
www.realultimatepower.net

p.s. Fart bombs are back!

*DrFootnote: Check out the reviews on Amazon... 105 so far!