Alcahoroscope
ARIES
Drinking style
Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to
call
it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time
shot
contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a
couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you
want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose
when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be
forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do
the
same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really
horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.
Trademark cocktails
Aries, born under the hot-stuff planet Mars, is the ruler of spicy food
and
red things -- and for balance, astrologers recommend they eat tomatoes,
onions, olives and greens. That's right, Aries, you were born under the
sign of the bloody Mary. Aries also rules grapefruit, and they've been
known to kick back a salty dog and a sea breeze or two. For extreme
hotcha,
try a concoction with cinnamon liqueur in it.
Drinking buddies
Marlon Brando, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Al Gore,
Thomas Jefferson, Elton John, Eric McCormack, Rosie O'Donnell, Sarah
Jessica Parker, Reese Witherspoon
TAURUS
Drinking style
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow
rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a
one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who
spills
red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the
preference
for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is
quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is
by
any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er,
gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely
amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.
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Early-to-bed Taureans need a picker-upper -- try a Red Bull and vodka.
They
also have a leviathan sweet tooth and are fond of drinks with names that
sound like dessert (50-50 bar, mudslide). Sweetly caffeinated drinks,
like
Irish coffee or white Russians, are ideal. More macho Taureans will go
for
something unpretentious, like a Jack and Coke or whiskey sour.
Drinking buddies
Cate Blanchett, Tony Blair, Pierce Brosnan, Cher, Penelope Cruz, William
Randolph Hearst, Jerry Seinfeld, Barbara Striesand, Uma Thurman, Renee
Zellweger
GEMINI
Drinking style
Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much -- they're so
naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell
sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion,
then
doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication,
like
puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt
successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very
tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different
cocktails
every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like
yellow
drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
Trademark cocktails
Easily bored Geminis need some stimulation in their drinks -- those with
two parts, like a black and tan (or just a double), are particularly
appealing. Otherwise, they'll drink all over the map, ordering frou-frou
drinks to add to their collection of cocktail monkeys or going for
whiskey
rocks because they're feeling rather noir. Gemini rules the herb anise
--
make some home-infused anise vodka as a gift.
Drinking buddies
George Bush Sr., Johnny Depp, Rupert Everett, Boy George, Allen
Ginsberg,
Angelina Jolie, John Kennedy, Ian McKellen, Kylie Minogue, Morrissey
CANCER
Drinking style
Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an
after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer
darling?
Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against
lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and
insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style,
Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional"
(read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping
stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your
favorite
Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. Keep in mind once
started, a Cancer never stops... drinking.
Trademark cocktails
Ruled by the moon, Cancers are intrigued by the idea of moonshine - any
booze, from a bourbon press to a whiskey and soda to grandpappy's
special
brew in a mason jar, will do. They also like comfortingly warm and sweet
drinks, like hot toddies and hot buttered rums. The sign also rules the
flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and
soda. Though a six-pack of bud will do.
Drinking buddies
Pamela Anderson, George W. Bush, Bill Cosby, Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford,
Sean Hayes, Lil' Kim, George Michael, Princess Diana, Prince William
LEO
Drinking style
Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and
usually
pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and
turning
kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling -- Leos will
be
Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they
loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect
flirting
to ensue - and perhaps not with the one what brung them. But Leo's not
the
type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try
harder,
Cancer) and expect a sheepish Lion to make it up to you the next day.
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Leos like flashy drinks, be they complicated tropical concoctions
festooned
with umbrellas, like a Bahama mama or the more common strawberry
daiquiri
or mai tai. Indeed, they often have a taste for the fruity -- try a
screwdriver, or add an extra cherry to the next Manhattan. Their sense
of
drama lends itself to a kir royale, of course.
Drinking buddies
Ben Affleck, Gillian Anderson, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Jennifer
Lopez, Madonna, Debra Messing, Kevin Spacey, Martha Stewart, Andy Warhol
VIRGO
Drinking style
Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their
famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other
signs, sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking
down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully
shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the
intellect,
but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose
when
walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo
friend
used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of
intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!
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Many Virgos prefer clear, simple, untreacly drinks like vodka tonic or a
real margarita, though you'll find 'em drinking anything - from
unflinchingly downing Cuervo straight to smirkingly ordering a dirty
virgin. They also tend to like bitter, low-alk guzzles like Campari and
soda. They rarely change their drink once they've found it, however.
Drinking buddies
Cameron Diaz, Hugh Grant, Christopher Isherwood, Michael Jackson,
Freddie
Mercury, Carrie-Anne Moss, Dorothy Parker, Ryan Philippe, Keanu Reeves,
Lily Tomlin
LIBRA
Drinking style
"I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn
social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to
everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend
device
set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little
instigators
when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are,
Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get
them
into all sorts of trouble -- including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay
too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even
blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!
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Aesthetic Libras like pretty, pouffy drinks like a pink lady or a Brandy
Alexander. That's the influence of Venus, their ruling planet, which
also
gives them a horror of crudely named potions like Sex on the Beach.
They're
fine with "normal" guzzles like apple martinis, but every Libra secretly
just wants Champagne, and lots of it.
Drinking buddies
Jimmy Carter, Simon Cowell, Ani DiFranco, Janeane Garofalo, Hugh
Jackman,
Martina Navratilova, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sting, Oscar Wilde, Catherine
Zeta-Jones
SCORPIO
Drinking style
Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you
and
quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering
drunk,
out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you
have a
problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in
itself, and not as a personality-altering tool -- though if depressed,
self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're
fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying
flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when
you
were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
Trademark cocktails
Just as a Scorpio can look you in the eye and smile while secretly
plotting
your demise, so does the brandy-laced stinger's sweet taste hide a
potent
amount of alcohol. If you want to get literal, serve them a scorpion -
they
may not love tropical drinks, but it shows you're paying attention.
Scorpio
rules watermelon, so break out the blender and fix a pitcher of
watermelon
margaritas to seduce 'em -- though red wine will do the trick just as
well.
Drinking buddies
Truman Capote, Hillary Clinton, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jodie Foster, Bill
Gates, k.d. lang, Megan Mullally, Demi Moore, Sylvia Plath, RuPaul
SAGITTARIUS
Drinking Style
In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When
buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own.
Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is
a
sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of
Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're
the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire
crowd
to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or
Cancun.
Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of
loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).
Trademark cocktails
A travel-loving sign, Sagittarius might be intrigued by drinks like
Moscow
mules, Singapore slings -- perhaps even a Long Island iced tea (not a
bad
option, given how much Sag can put away and still stay vertical). Party
monsters that they are, they're attracted to shots, like the
ever-popular
lemon drop. Sag rules pears, and could use a nice pear cider right about
now, come to think of it.
Drinking buddies
The Bush twins, Margaret Cho, Noel Coward, Betty Ford, Lucy Liu, Brad
Pitt,
Keith Richards, Frank Sinatra, Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears
CAPRICORN
Drinking style
Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and
status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological
cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie
Lennox,
not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent,
powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they
make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most
rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally
need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party,
especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.
Trademark cocktails
Old-fashioned Cap would probably like an old-fashioned just fine -- or a
dry martini, or a gin and tonic, or a gimlet -- or any like alcohol and
generally hate drinks with more than three ingredients. However, they
like
the flavor of cranberry and will order a cosmo if they can handle the
wait
for it to get mixed.
Drinking buddies
Orlando Bloom, David Bowie, James Dean, Marlene Dietrich, Martin Luther
King Jr, Jude Law, Annie Lennox, Marilyn Manson, Richard Nixon, Elvis
Presley
AQUARIUS
Drinking style
Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water,
that
is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get
an
idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If
they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too
preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they make
perfectly
charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital
drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can
get
them before they start raising their wrist): Aquarius is fascinated by
drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with
soused
strangers while sober.
Trademark cocktails
Aquarius is likely to order stuff most people have never heard of: a
capirinha, Satan's whiskers, a negroni, an Arthur Tompkins. They like to
stump the bartender. This sign rules the color electric blue and would
be
pleased by any tipple featuring blue curacao. They also rule the olive
tree, so pour the juice into that dirty martini.
Drinking buddies
Jennifer Aniston, Ellen DeGeneres, Dr. Dre, Matt Groening, Ashton
Kutcher,
Ronald Reagan, Christina Ricci, Justin Timberlake, Oprah Winfrey, Elijah
Wood
PISCES
Drinking style
If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign
-- and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and
Kurt
Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy,
out-there
feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance
fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're
fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime.
With
the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and
wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can
be
read two ways, you know.
Trademark Cocktails
Pisces rules fresh mint, and they do love a mojito or three -- though a
julep will do just as well. They also like punches, like sangria or the
oh-so-aptly named fish house punch. (Pretty much anything will satisfy a
Pisces in a pinch, though -- "drinking like a fish" is an idiom pulled
out
of the zodiac, not the deep blue sea.) Pisces is a chocoholic and loves
creme de cacao (and spiked cocoa).
Drinking buddies
Drew Barrymore, Chastity Bono, Chelsea Clinton, Kurt Cobain, Edward
Gorey,
Queen Latifah, Liza Minelli, Anais Nin, Sharon Stone, Liz Taylor