Skylight Part 1

08/09/2003

As part of my long term plan to eventually convert my loft into an office, I bought a bargain skylight the other week from a reclamation yard with a view to installing it in my roof. I already have one at the back which cost me £600 but I thought one at the front would be nice to have, expecially as I got it for the paltry sum of £35. I rang Marco who has installed these things before and asked if he wouldn't mind giving me a hand - he said no problem.

The plan was him and Jenny come down Saturday which they did, we would go out Saturday night, which we did, and we would install the skylight on the Sunday, which we did . . . . sort of. I'm not sure if you've spotted the flaw with our plan yet, but basically the underlying problem with the plan turned out to be the fact that it was bollocks.

We failed to recognise the correlation between a heavy Saturday night session and being completely bolloxed the day after. So, Saturday night consisted of a mexican dinner, 9 bottles of wine (4 rose and 5 of the red variety), aftershocks, beers and double sambuccas. I woke up at midday on the Sunday absolutely and completely wazzocked still and I do mean pissed, I was still slurring my words.

Unfazed, Marco and I rustled up a full English fry up and plenty of black coffee and then proceeded to smash a hole in my roof. It took us about 3 hours to remove the tiles for the window space and then make up the frame for the window unit to sit in
(somehow I managed to saw straight for the first time in my life). All was going well. We tried seating the unit in the frame and it all looked good. So the next thing was the flashing... uh oh.

As you may or may not know - flashing directs water and to install it normally you lift the tiles and it slides under, you then fix it in place. The problem here would be that £2.5K worth of insulating/bonding foam sprayed on the backs of the tiles which makes them unliftable and the roof one solid block. We'd cut this stuff off the tiles we had removed in order to be able to punch a hole in the roof but in our innebriated state we had the missed the fact that we would not be able to install the flashing in the normal way.

Thus, at 19:30 last night we realised that the only way that we would be able to install it would be to use my angle grinder and take the tiles back. My neighbours would not appreciate this tile butchery at this time and hence I currently have a gaping hole in my roof!!!! Luckily Marco is coming back this morning to do the said butchery and finish the job! Good job too as I have surveyors coming round tomorrow to asess for my remortgage!

Surveyors can't actually condemn a house can they?

I'm thinking about writing a DIY book. The back of the book will describe it as an invaluable reference for wielding power tools and sharp instruments while pissed, and it will be specifically aimed at people who have been 'released back into the community'...